Proof Your Corgi is Actually an Entity from the Upside Down: The Pupside Down Protocol

A Special Research Dossier for Planet of the Corgis

SECURITY CLEARANCE: LEVEL 4 (HAWKINS LAB)

SUBJECT: Canis Lupus Corgi (The Pembroke Anomaly)

STATUS: ACTIVE / HIGHLY VOLATILE

DATE: December 7, 2025

WARNING: SPOILER ALERT

This document contains classified intelligence regarding the events of Hawkins, Indiana, documented in the visual archives known as Stranger Things, Seasons 1 through 4. Personnel who have not reviewed these archives are advised to proceed with extreme caution. This dossier strictly OMITs any intelligence regarding the upcoming Season 5 events to prevent temporal paradoxes.

Executive Summary: The “Pupside Down” Hypothesis

For generations, humanity has been deceived. We have welcomed the Pembroke Welsh Corgi into our homes, celebrating its disproportionate stature, its comical “sploots,” and its “bombastic” personality. We scroll through infinite feeds of “loafs” and “zoomies,” attributing these behaviors to quirks of breeding or canine joy. We were wrong.

A comprehensive cross-referencing of canine behaviorology with the metaphysical data recovered from the Hawkins National Laboratory suggests a terrifying truth: The Corgi is not a dog. It is a biological anchor to the alternate dimension known as the Upside Down—or, in this specific taxonomic classification, the Pupside Down.

From the specific frequency of their bark to the bio-luminescent qualities of their shedding fur, every trait of the Corgi aligns with the flora and fauna of the Shadow Realm. They are not herding sheep; they are herding us. They are the sleeper agents of the Mind Flayer, disguised in the most effective camouflage known to man: extreme cuteness.

This dossier, The Pupside Down Protocol, provides irrefutable proof of this connection. We will examine the physiological anomalies, the kinetic breaches known as “zoomies,” and the psionic manipulation tactics used by these creatures to enslave the human race.

Prepare your Eggos. Lock your doors. And for the love of Steve Harrington, do not look them in the eye.

Section 1: The Biological Vessel (Morphology and Origins)

To understand the threat, we must first understand the vessel. The physical form of the Corgi is often dismissed as “adorable dwarfism,” but a tactical analysis reveals a body built for survival in a dimension of toxic vines, falling spores, and predatory demobats.

1.1 The “Fairy Saddle” or The Mark of the Mind Flayer?

One of the most persistent myths in Corgi lore is the legend of the “Fairy Saddle.” Welsh folklore posits that the patches of darker fur located behind the Corgi’s shoulders are the result of fairies using the dogs as steeds in battle. While whimsical, this story is a dangerous obfuscation of the truth.

If we analyze the “saddle” through the lens of the Hawkins incursions, a darker pattern emerges. In Season 2 of Stranger Things, the Mind Flayer possesses its victims through a physical insertion of viral particulate matter, often entering through facial orifices but controlling the host via the central nervous system.

The “saddle” on a Corgi is not a mark of benevolent fairy servitude. It is a Brand of Submission. It is the residual necrotic staining from where the Mind Flayer’s tendrils connect to the Corgi’s spinal column to override their motor functions. The folklore mentions “battle.” Indeed, these dogs were the cavalry units for the armies of the Upside Down, ridden by humanoid entities or perhaps serving as the ground assault vehicles for the Demogorgons. The “nippy” behavior often attributed to heeling cattle is a combat reflex, a muscle memory from centuries of snapping at the ankles of fleeing victims in the Nether.

1.2 The Ears: Parabolic Radar for the Rift

The Corgi ear is an acoustic anomaly. Disproportionately large and capable of independent 180-degree rotation, these organs are far more advanced than required for a simple herding dog. Biology dictates that form follows function. What function requires such massive auditory receptors?

In Stranger Things, the breach between worlds is often preceded by auditory disturbances—static on the radio, a low hum, or the squelching sound of moving flesh. The Corgi ear is a biological radar dish designed to intercept electromagnetic frequencies from the Upside Down.

When a Corgi suddenly stops, ears swiveling to track a sound that you cannot hear, they are not listening to a mouse in the wall. They are tracking the movement of a Demogorgon in the shadow dimension overlapping our own. The rigidity of the ear acts as a conductive surface for low-frequency waves, similar to the ham radio setup used by Dustin Henderson. They are listening for the chimes of the grandfather clock, acting as an early warning system for the invasion.

1.3 “Corgi Glitter”: The Shedding as Spore Propagation

Every Corgi owner is familiar with “Corgi Glitter”—the incessant shedding that coats every surface of the home. Owners joke that they consume a certain amount of hair daily.

Compare this to the visual atmosphere of the Upside Down. The air in that dimension is thick with floating, ash-like particles. These are not merely dust; they are spores, a biological component of the Hive Mind. The Pupside Down Protocol posits that “Corgi Glitter” is the terrestrial equivalent of these spores. The Corgi is a terraforming unit. By shedding millions of follicles into your home, they are slowly converting the atmosphere of your living room to match that of the Upside Down.

When you inhale Corgi hair, you are inhaling the particulate matter of the Shadow Realm. This explains the irrational obsession owners have with the breed. The spores contain a mild psychoactive pheromone that induces compliance and affection, similar to how the Mind Flayer seduces its hosts.

1.4 The “Frito Feet” Bio-Signature

A common question among Corgi owners is: “Why do my dog’s feet smell like corn chips?” Veterinary science dismisses this as the byproduct of bacteria reacting with sweat. However, this ignores the xenobiological context.

The Upside Down is a dank, moist environment teeming with unknown fungal growths and decay. The “corn chip” scent is the olfactory signature of the flora in Dimension X. The bacteria on a Corgi’s paws are extremophiles brought over from the other side. When you smell Fritos, you are smelling the soil of the Nether. This scent marking allows Corgis to identify “safe paths” for other interdimensional entities.

Section 2: The Kinetic Anomalies (Movement and Physics)

Corgi movement is characterized by bursts of chaotic energy that defy the laws of Newtonian physics. These behaviors, often deemed “cute,” are actually survival mechanisms for a hostile dimension.

2.1 The Zoomies: Evasion of the Demodog

The “Zoomie,” or Frenetic Random Activity Period (FRAP), is a universal Corgi trait. It involves the dog tucking its rear end (the “Butt Tuck”) to improve aerodynamics and running in tight, frantic circles.

We have long assumed this is “play.” It is not. Corgis possess True Sight, allowing them to see into the Pupside Down at all times. When a Corgi gets the zoomies, they are physically running away from a Demodog that only they can see.

The “Butt Tuck” is a defensive maneuver to protect their spinal port (the Saddle) from being latched onto by a predator. The circular motion is designed to confuse the Demodog, which, much like the Demogorgon, is a predatory hunter that relies on blood scent and linear movement. When your Corgi is tearing around the coffee table at Mach 2, do not intercept them. You are standing in the middle of an invisible battlefield.

2.2 The Sploot: Closing the Rift

The “Sploot”—laying flat on the belly with legs extended behind—is the classic Corgi pose. While veterinarians claim this is for cooling down, the metaphysical truth is critical to our survival.

The barrier between our world and the Upside Down is thin. Corgis, being denser than the average dog, act as biological anchors. The Sploot is a Grounding Mechanism. By pressing their entire ventral surface against the floor, the Corgi is using its body mass to physically seal a micro-rift that is threatening to open beneath your carpet.

The “Drumstick” leg extension stretches the spine to maximize surface area coverage. If you see your Corgi splooting, do not disturb them. They are literally holding the door closed against the Mind Flayer. If they were to stand up too quickly, your living room might be sucked into Dimension X.

Section 3: The Psionic Interface (Mental Powers)

If the physical traits are the hardware, the behavioral traits are the software—a suite of psionic programs designed to manipulate human hosts.

3.1 Telekinesis: The Treat Stare

Corgis are food motivated to a supernatural degree. But have you noticed how they acquire food? They do not beg; they stare.

Much like Eleven (Jane Hopper), Corgis possess low-level telekinetic abilities. When a Corgi sits in the kitchen and stares intensely at a piece of cheese on the counter, they are attempting to move it with their mind. They channel their psionic energy through the “Bombastic Side Eye,” narrowing their focus to a singular point.

While they may not be strong enough to flip a van, they are strong enough to manipulate you. The headache you get when you try to resist giving them a treat? That is a psychic attack. They are squeezing your brain until you comply. The nosebleed you got last Tuesday? Check your Corgi’s location. They were likely testing their limits.

3.2 Barking at Nothing: True Sight and the Mind Flayer

Corgi owners frequently report their dogs barking aggressively at an empty corner of the room or the darkness of a hallway. This is widely considered a “nuisance behavior.”

It is actually a perimeter defense. Because Corgis have True Sight, they can perceive the Shadow Monster when it projects its consciousness into our world. When your Corgi barks at “nothing,” they are barking at the Mind Flayer. They are the early warning sirens of Hawkins. The specific pitch of a Corgi bark—piercing, repetitive, and ear-shattering—is the only sonic frequency capable of disrupting the Mind Flayer’s hive mind connection.

3.3 The “Chewbacca” Noise and Grumble-Talk

Corgi owners report a specific vocalization that is neither a bark nor a growl, but a vibrating “Chewbacca noise.” This guttural sound is a dialect of the Demogorgon.

The creatures of the Upside Down communicate through chittering, screeching, and wet, guttural clicks. The Corgi’s “grumble-talk” is a domesticated version of this language. When your Corgi argues with you, making these strange gargling sounds, they are speaking the tongue of the wasteland. They are trying to explain the complexities of multi-dimensional physics to you, but their vocal cords are limited by their canine form.

Section 4: Survival Protocols and Countermeasures

If you suspect your Corgi is an agent of the Pupside Down, do not panic. Like Dustin with Dart, it is possible to domesticate these entities and even form a bond. However, you must follow strict protocols.

4.1 The Nougat Protocol (Appeasement)

Just as Dart was pacified by Three Musketeers bars, Corgis are biologically programmed to respond to high-fat, high-sodium offerings. Cheese is the Corgi equivalent of Nougat.

• Protocol: Maintain a steady supply of cheese. If the Corgi begins to “Awoo” or show the “Whaling Eye,” administer cheese immediately to disrupt the aggression cycle.

4.2 Sonic Disruption (The Kate Bush Maneuver)

If your Corgi enters the “Vecna Trance” (staring at a wall or clock for extended periods), you must break the psychic link using music.

• Protocol: Determine your Corgi’s “favorite song.” This is usually the sound of a Squeaky Toy or the crinkle of a treat bag. These sounds operate on a frequency that cuts through the interference of the Upside Down. Play the sound loudly to guide their consciousness back to this dimension.

4.3 The “Friends Don’t Lie” Rule

Build trust. Corgis are intelligent and emotionally complex. If you lie to them (e.g., pretending to throw the ball but holding it behind your back), you sever the bond of trust. A Corgi that does not trust its owner is more susceptible to the call of the Mind Flayer. Never fake throw. Friends don’t lie.

4.4 Monitor the Gates (Digging)

If your Corgi begins digging frantically in a specific spot, do not ignore it. They have located a soft spot in the reality membrane.

• Protocol: Distract the subject with a “Zoomie” session or a walk. Do not allow them to breach the floorboards. If they find a slimy, pulsating vine, burn the house down and move.

Section 5: Categorizing Your Entity (D&D Classes)

To better understand your Corgi, it helps to categorize them using the taxonomy of Dungeons & Dragons, as is tradition in Hawkins.

• The Paladin (Mike Type): Protective, barks at everything, constantly patrolling the perimeter. Loyal to a fault.
• The Bard (Eddie/Dustin Type): Vocal, makes weird noises, howls for attention, uses charisma (cuteness) to get out of trouble.
• The Rogue (Nancy/Erica Type): Stealthy (despite the thumping paws), steals food from the counter, escapes crates, attacks from the shadows (under the bed).
• The Mage/Wizard (Eleven/Will Type): Stares at walls, prone to sneezing (nosebleeds), moves objects with their mind (by staring at you until you move the object for them).
• The Demogorgon (The Beast): Destroys toys, shreds mail, chaos incarnate. Only pacified by Eggos.

Conclusion: Living with the Monster

The evidence is undeniable. The Corgi is a creature of the Void, a fluffy anomaly that bridges the gap between our world and the nightmare realm of the Upside Down. Their ears are radars, their feet are bio-hazards, and their zoomies are attempts to flee invisible monsters.

And yet, we love them.

Perhaps, like Eleven, they are monsters who have chosen to be good. Perhaps they are the guardians who stand between us and the true darkness, using their “Air Snaps” to fight the battles we cannot see. Or perhaps they are just waiting for the command to attack.

Until that day comes, keep the cheese handy, keep the belly rubs frequent, and always, always keep the door to the basement closed.

Report End.

Prepared by Dr. Dustin “Henderson” Corgi-logist, Department of Crypto-Cynology.